When I told him his Church is no longer relevant
Latest news; I have invented a time machine! I couldn’t afford a Delorean, but fortunately an old Morris Minor became available, so I had a go. It was a little wheezy, and I had to lower the time-travel speed a bit, but it all seemed to be working, so I thought I would give it a test run. Being a Tudor history nut, I set the dial for 1545, then floored it. And boy, when that baby eventually got up to 38mph, there were some fireworks! I was whisked back to Tudor England in less time than it takes to say ‘antidisestablishmentarianism’.
My sudden arrival caused some amazement, especially when I explained I was from 2023. This was considered sufficiently weird that old King Henry VIII himself demanded to see me. He particularly wanted an update on how his shiny new Church of England was turning out in 2023.
Sadly, the answers I gave did not please him at all.
“You mean to tell me,” the King growled, “that less than half of the population of this United Kingdom identify themselves as Christian?”